As you may know, I’ve been shooting LootCrate videos for a couple of months now. They’ve evolved a little from me “opening a box to show you what’s inside” to “me doing so, but with some flair” but the tricky thing about these is that you only get one take to do the actual box opening so if you do something like upload the video to edit it and find out that the lighting was insufficient so there’s artifacts over the whole video, then you’re kind of screwed. This is exactly what happened and while I’m going to try to salvage things, I’m posting this just in case I can’t make it work.

This video, centered around December’s “Revolution” theme, had a simple enough premise. I would talk about a failed revolution I was supposedly taking part in and then open the box, hoping to find some weapons. When none would be available, there’d be despair. It would, supposedly, be humorous. Except the lighting was really just the most technical problem that was encountered. The other thing that went wrong (or at least has not yet went right) was a failed blue screen effect at the end. The program I use, called VideoMeld, works great for a lot of other stuff but I can’t figure out how to get the blue screen to be something else. This was going to be at the end of the video. Better equipment will solve these problems.

The other major problem was me. Due to the motif of the episode, I wanted to be in it looking as grizzled and gnarly as possible so I did it right when I woke up after not shaving for a week. This was fine. I probably could have functioned decently if this was it, but I also decided that in order to look like a proper revolutionary, I needed to just be wearing a wife-beater. This was the part that proved hard for me to get over, and coupled with my various psychological blocks, I didn’t act as nearly as well I could have and so things went a heck of a lot rougher during the actual video than they should have. It was the closest to being shirtless on film I’ve ever been and, since I typically wear at least three layers of clothing, somewhat uncomfortable for me regardless of being filmed or not. I don’t even like swimming because of how little clothing is covering me.

I was wearing this for the video, except you could see my entire body and things were better lit.

So, what can I do to fix this? The acting is something I know I can do, to an extent. There’s other videos up of me and I do decently, but a lot of times they’re after several takes. The only time I’m able to alleviate the blocks is after taking certain medicines or having several glasses of wine. The blocks dissolve like so many Tetriminos and there’s no longer any nasty things in my head spreading negativity. Except this isn’t always an option. I can also improvise decently. I got into a play in high school after making up a monologue on the spot and not a single other video has been written, just filmed with a vague idea in mind. I can be good at these, I just need to get over the blocks without external aids. They obviously haven’t always been there, or at least not, been there with the same strength as they currently possess.

As for not wanting to be shirtless (or near-shirtless) on camera, I don’t know what I can do about that. I take pictures of myself partly in order to get over my antipathy over being seen at all and it’s not really working. I have a predictably low opinion of myself, and this has lasted for years without being dented. Worse, I see anything positive anyone says about me as lies. I need to get over this, but I don’t know how.

In any case, these are all problems I have to fix, either for this video or simply to not live like I am now. Oh, and in case you were wondering, here’s what was in the LootCrate:
-A shirt
-A FunkoPop
-A patch
-A book
-A pin

The book was good.